Why Do I Keep Ending Up in Inconsistent Relationships?

Many thoughtful, self-aware adults who feel steady and capable in most areas of life find themselves tender and unsure when it comes to relationships. You may work hard, show up for the people you love, and feel grounded in your day-to-day life, yet still feel pulled toward the same painful patterns. If you find yourself longing for consistent love yet repeatedly choosing emotionally unpredictable partners, you are not alone.

In my eight years as a somatic and attachment-based therapist and Registered Clinical Counsellor, I have supported adults across British Columbia, both in person and virtually, who feel caught in this cycle. My training in Sensorimotor Psychotherapy and attachment-focused approaches shapes much of the work I do, and I often see the same tender themes arise. These patterns are not signs of weakness or failure. They are reflections of what the nervous system learned long before you had words for any of this.

You deserve relationships that feel steady and nourishing. In this article, you will learn why anxious attachment patterns form, why inconsistency can feel addictive, why healthy partners may feel unfamiliar at first, and how to begin breaking anxious attachment patterns with compassion and clarity.